All of this is for meant for you

the dawn

 

Patty Cakes, wild flowers in your hair,, ginger colored dancing, fingers always reaching, eyes searching, hearts beating, fresh clean sheets, clear watery eyes, seaching, spots for sobbing, feet that cant stop running…

The sun as it rises and day unplanned filled with little surprises, train rides, high fives, raindrops, gum drops, bus stops, Plane rides, bike rides, bold and confident strides.

Hello, jello listening to that girl play the perfect cello…

Why cant you come to this place? Lover, why cant you come to this place?

Open your mind and fill this empty space.

Mother’s Helping Hand

When you’ve cashed in all your do-overs and all the I’m sorry I am late’s and the dog is too full to eat your homework…

 

You can come to me. I will know what to do, I have been here before. I can help.

 

When you’ve spent your bottom dollar on a bet, when the sun came out before you got to bed, when your very favorite pair of jeans are wet.

 

You can come to me. I have a solution. I can help.

 

I have done all these things before, okay, okay I admit I have done all this and a helluva lot more.

 

I don’t really learn from my mistakes, I just get better at dancing when the world has raised its stakes.

 

I’ll bring the vodka and ice cream when your heart breaks.

 

Baby…

 

Follow my lead, I’ll teach you my two step.

 

I’ve got your bail money, honey. I’m your rainy day parade, that’s why I promise to come to your aid.chocolate frame pic 16 edited.jpg

Post Chakratic Oaths

When I tell people who don’t know you about the first time I met you and the ways our lives for a decade had danced around the inevitability of an US how my supposed former, maybe one time future sister wife is touted as the “good” version of me- the nicer version…

What does that even mean? 

When I tell them I iced my soul to keep it alive for you,

Then set the house on fire to get warm.

I watched the burning the embers and wondered why it didn’t feel like a loss at all. 

When the bank teller tells me she isn’t my friend,

When my friends stop telling me anything,

When I no longer know how to make friends and wonder why I feel weird in a crowd.

When the ice breaks, the bough from which it hung comes loose and I am undone-

Does this mean I died and nobody bothered to tell me? 

At the funeral I so frequently imagine now, I see my parents, but mainly just their disapproval of me. 

I see my once former husband honestly scared to say it, but so glad to be rid of me.

I cannot see my children there, I am sure its because the thought of leaving them like this is more than my heart can bare.

But something, somewhere stops me..

Did I tell them about the laughter that rang out in a hotel room? img_4465

That we had to be pried apart, that we our bodies fused into each other and he took all the orgasms with him. 

Will they understand that for me, loving was never a matter of choice?

I would not have chosen, I could not have dared.

I did not know I couldn’t logic it away – There was no casualty to be spared.

Will I tell them that my base Chakra is alive with your cells, that from that a burning born inside my Solar Plexus calls out to yours, and you feel it too? 

img_4646

 

 

Velut arbor aevo

My son, have I taught you all a mother can? Is there more to teach?

Climb high son, fear not brave one. You can do this, just extend those limbs, and reach.

You will be graduating very soon, and I don’t know why but it is really getting to me. I am a lucky mom, you’re a terrific young man. Some would say you are untested, you’ve been protected.

Over the years I have seen you grow and change into someone I think can be relied upon, someone genuine and kind. I know you will be a good and kind man to someone, someday. I know you will be private, my young strong Leo, keeping himself mainly to himself.

The family tree we have built is one of many wild little roots, but you have grown in front of my eyes, I’m sorry its taken til now to realize.

 

I have given the wildest of wild roots from which to grow, but they’re yours, so you wont be planted in one place- the world is yours, go now and fill it with your dreams.

It might be scary, but it wont be as hard tomorrow as it seems.

Go now and claim the life you want for yourself. Take this step with great pride, you earned it.

No other mother can ever be more proud of her son than this. IMG_4767 (2)

 

 

 

Honor Bound by Body

I unfold in front of you slowly and suddenly and then all at once as if there were a portal in the magical middle of you

I am bound to the place you pin me. Make no sudden moves, I can’t stop the crest fallen swoon of the eager sparrow- hips locked with your rhythmic grooves

Your words drop like silver star stuff from your crescent lips.

Your crest emblazoned in flames on a near perfect chest…

Writhing like a wicked little witch nary wearing a stitch

Distracted, lusting feels so entirely protracted…

How much time has passed? I could burst in equal parts flame and flower. Let me soft petal soften you where you’re heart has hardened- let me in my Knight.

I, the swallowing sparrow am bound to see this through,

Knight in near perfect body armor- it comes down to you. honor boundhonor bound.2.jpg

 

Washed Away

Something happened to my heart

I can’t follow where it strays

Something took hold of me,

My wild beating heart has left me

It Betrays.

Give me back my common sense,

Im so sick and tired of the nonsense.

It twists my form, and leaves me feeling a kind of dirty that cant be cleaned.

I will rise- filled with a pathetic, if even an honorable compromise.

I strip away all that I am. I will shed this skin I am in.

Give me a new pair of boots, I will dig myself out, and take with me, these earthly roots.

A storm swells inside, this is not a new wave to ride. When the eye finally drops, everything that we have been ..simply- stops.

 

washed away

 

 

 

Consumate Kindred

It has been 1,460 days since you showed me your mark. 2,102,400 minutes since my blood pumped to this heart that belongs to you.

Isn’t it funny how if you break time into smaller bits and stretch it out over the skin of this body how much of that vast space between the last place you touched my skin and the stolen sin you left me with and all the thousands of ways my mind drifts back to the sin again and again.

We lock, tie, and lace because nature cannot exist in the airless space where lovers’ gentle lips hold secrets & eyes hide pain betrayed by the common passersby

Time laid out before you covering the cool creamy skin of this breast leaves a thinly beating breaking heart rattling inside this chest…

Our garden is freshly tended, our ancient wounds bound, cured & mended.

I bare witness as the last of us standing, I bare myself as the only one who can stand me.

Kindred call for me, for our time is  nearly wasted. consumate kindred