I think we should talk today… I have a lot, and I mean a lot on my mind and so much I want to say.
I’m sad this morning because last night I was reminded of what my potential was or should have been. Another reminder that I had squandered 10 years of my purpose.
What did Tori say? My scream got lost in a paper cup? Yea. I feel you, girl. Except I screamed. I screamed a lot. I just gave in to every silly little feeling, and in the end it didn’t amount to much.. and hurt a lot.
I’m smarter than that. I’m stronger than that. Spinning my wheels. Wasn’t really living. Now, I want to seize the gift the universe is giving.
I shared a peice of our little puzzle with the world last night. It didn’t come out the way I wanted.. I had this thought that if I could just… tell it out… it would come out right.
It didn’t really move anyone, the way I think it should. I didn’t deliver it the way I could.
I’m not giving up. I threw my scream in Tori’s paper cup. And I will trade it for a sirens’ call… that is the theme, afterall.
I wish you had seen the whole thing… the place that felt like a home I had lived in once before I stayed up 1000 nights … chasing away bad dreams, and turning out the night lights.
There was a girl named Kat with a pretty smile, such a shy girl, who played a beautiful guitar badly, and sang off key… but the song she chose- spoke to me.
And a pixie whose name escapes me, spoke of lost love, of hardship, of poverty… and danced to a song I have played in my bed… recalling the ways you twisted me up in it… and her body moved in a way that seemed compelled by a collective kinetic energy… and I was.. transfixed.
And silly boys wearing their absurdity on their sleeves.. strummed lazily and sang out- their mysogony rang out.
And you will find me there again, it didnt cost very much… but I know me, and I could spend a long while in their company… Me
the quintessential odd girl, will be there, drawing from my own story and singing a love alive- long after its died.