They say its over when she sings… Well the lady’s singing…
I think she may still have tears in her eyes, and your token in her hand.
She is singing a song you may have heard before… another one of those she sings as she walks out the door.
“Goodbye is too good a word babe, so I’ll just say, Fare Thee Well”
Give her a bit of a break, she has had just about as much as her pea pickin heart can take.
She could sing I Will Always Love You, and you should know its true.
Maybe one day it will all make sense.
Until then, I give you my gentle goodbye.. and my recompense.
It’s saturday morning… the sun is warming the window panes, and we are in a place so near to heaven… a place of perfect peace, and happiness. Your feet find mine, and in comes a small boy with sleep still across his face… trailing behind him is a blanket made before he was born- in anticipation of his arrival. And he is giving me his sweetest smile..
In one simple scoop you grabbed him, tickling him while his small legs swung over to me… and he is there and our feet still touched… and he is laughing- and we are kissing his toes, his noes… and for what could have been forever you looked at me and my heart was so filled with the love we made… out of almost nothing, here was that moment made perfect.
We never had another Saturday morning with the sun spilling in, and our son sharing that space between us in the home we made together. Never again were you my home, or his.
I may never get that feeling back… but it still so nice to know I ever had it. So for that, for the perfect note struck, for the little boy who still sleeps with that blanket his grandma made for him before he was ever born… and for the chance to find someone who is capable of so much more than just a moment… I give you my thanks.
In dreams, I am a dancer a tempest of desire.
My thunderous clouds move above you and ignite within a wild fire.
My body twists and shifts under your stone like stare… and I cannot be freed, or will myself to care.
I’ve saved a seat for you- bring with you whatever you must- but, please darling, I beg of you, be quick about it,
this dreamers’ dancer is quickly turned to dust.
Frozen ground, snow crunching beneath our feet.
Small children playing, their noses kissed with frost.
And you and I are still somewhere,
Some could call it lost.
I am on the prowl. I am a hungry lioness seeking her lunch. I am a starving artist who needs to pay her rent. I am armed with all the hope and ambition in the world. I will find a new place to call my own. A job, a paycheck that will help me keep my happy home.
But, while on the hunt, the long hungry hours I have lost, I get restless. And I know myself, no good can come from this.
Things I have learned while putting myself “out there”.
* Real girls wear heels, and well I am clearly not a ‘”real girl” because I can hardly walk in them.
* A solid, firm handshake shouldn’t make the other guy grimace!
* Don’t go in there hungry! (such an “only Anne” story, but I went to an interview last week neglected to eat anything prior and my stomach was doing ALL the talking! eep!)
* Keep your sense of humor.
* Do not! I repeat DON’T! Tell your cute my little one did this, stories! And if you are anything like me, you need to know, you probably shouldnt sing during the interview. (another “only Anne” story I may share with you later)
So I am still hunting determined to “bag and tag” my new baby before months’ end. I know a few others out there in the cold getting lonley, feeling old. Hang in there! We will all be feasting in no time!
#1: Laugh. Every day even when it hurts. Laugh even if you’re crying.
#2: Live your life out loud! Get your shiny new megaphone out and shout… let the whole world hear you. If your scared, just remember I am always somewhere near you.
#3: Have lots and lots of sex! Good sex with someone who will touch every part of you, even down to your toes.
#4: Show kindness to everyone. It will always come back.
#5: Start your day with a simple rule that you make your bed before leaving your bedroom. If you have a hard day your nicely made bed will be a sanctuary! And if you had a great day then you can simply…
see # 3! hahah
And when you said time is all it takes to heal I would look out at the dwindling daylight wondering aloud… is time the trick?
Tricky time… I wait for you, I sometimes chase you… I try to hold you in my hands- and try to save you.
I will set you free… and in the final darkest hour on my clock I hope you will still release me.
I thought I’d make friends with time, thought that we were blind- but fine because don’t THEY say, To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven?
When is it our time, my time, your time and their time? Can we have it all at the same time?
I say Yes.. just a small three letter word for beautiful possibility, for all that is likely and well worn, well loved… and sometimes at least for me, a bit forlorn.
So I finally get the joke- time moves backwards through the things we want, feels we like can’t move from the horror of a painful spot, and leaves us too quickly in our prime…
Tricky indeed, my old friend Time.
If it wasn’t this, it would be something else. And its all just stuff… and people tell me to count my petals and cast away my stones. What’s in your backpack, anyway?
In my backpack you will find:
3 precious things, 3 small things, 3 big ones. Some paper with my spiky back hand print filling the margins with a thought I couldn’t let escape me. And a well worn deck of cards… a momento from the day my heart grew 3 times its usual size.
And because it wasn’ this, at least I know, it doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be by the time you turn eighteen or thirty-three or fifty-nine. It doesn’t have to conform to whatever is usual. It doesn’t have to be kismet at once, or rhapsody by the third date.
It just has to be. In time. In place. In spirit.
It just has to be.