Learning to Count (on)

I used to discover things…
Once I explored a ship that had sailed across the ocean connecting it’s lines from one corner of the world to another.
Once I saw the world’s largest frying pan.
I heard the voice of God once…

I was maybe 26, when my son said to me, “you’re a wonderful mother” I remember the sweet, grateful smile he gave me as I soothed his little hurt.

I’ve tasted so much of the worlds’ offerings. Gazed in wonder at sunsets at foreign shores.
Played in the worlds wide gardens.

I used to be something more than this ordinary.

I never noticed it til now but everyone on the whole shitty planet shares your name.

Once I am sober from my drunken deliciousness long enough to…
wonder when if ever you’re this fixated if just maybe …

when someone stalls out in the middle of saying something …. Landing far too fucking softly on the D if Annnnnnnnnn(d) doesn’t at least to you…sound a lot like me.

I find myself looking for one thing…
The key To unlocking our little mystery.

Where it all ends perfectly. Where we are just one.

That is synergy. I don’t believe that is enough for you.

If I dared give you all of me, I’d be returned to sender, a box well wrapped, but empty.

You’ll always be an unfinished conversation away from really choosing me.

Or maybe you chose her and this riddle is really just another dark place I find avoidance from reality. Places I cleverly hide to avoid more of my own responsibilities.

You told me I added to you.

But I knew then, if it comes down to equations I cant measure up.

I am more a pleasure to see walking away than the simple sight of me begging you to stay.

And I’ve done that before. Begged for breadth I had no right to take. But, I can’t do that anymore.

Not after I let them stone me to death with words that hurt so much it stole the body from its breath,

Not so much a lover, maybe once, a friend.

Nothing much to see here.

learningJust a whore at her end.