All of this is for meant for you

the dawn

 

Patty Cakes, wild flowers in your hair,, ginger colored dancing, fingers always reaching, eyes searching, hearts beating, fresh clean sheets, clear watery eyes, seaching, spots for sobbing, feet that cant stop running…

The sun as it rises and day unplanned filled with little surprises, train rides, high fives, raindrops, gum drops, bus stops, Plane rides, bike rides, bold and confident strides.

Hello, jello listening to that girl play the perfect cello…

Why cant you come to this place? Lover, why cant you come to this place?

Open your mind and fill this empty space.

Post Chakratic Oaths

When I tell people who don’t know you about the first time I met you and the ways our lives for a decade had danced around the inevitability of an US how my supposed former, maybe one time future sister wife is touted as the “good” version of me- the nicer version…

What does that even mean? 

When I tell them I iced my soul to keep it alive for you,

Then set the house on fire to get warm.

I watched the burning the embers and wondered why it didn’t feel like a loss at all. 

When the bank teller tells me she isn’t my friend,

When my friends stop telling me anything,

When I no longer know how to make friends and wonder why I feel weird in a crowd.

When the ice breaks, the bough from which it hung comes loose and I am undone-

Does this mean I died and nobody bothered to tell me? 

At the funeral I so frequently imagine now, I see my parents, but mainly just their disapproval of me. 

I see my once former husband honestly scared to say it, but so glad to be rid of me.

I cannot see my children there, I am sure its because the thought of leaving them like this is more than my heart can bare.

But something, somewhere stops me..

Did I tell them about the laughter that rang out in a hotel room? img_4465

That we had to be pried apart, that we our bodies fused into each other and he took all the orgasms with him. 

Will they understand that for me, loving was never a matter of choice?

I would not have chosen, I could not have dared.

I did not know I couldn’t logic it away – There was no casualty to be spared.

Will I tell them that my base Chakra is alive with your cells, that from that a burning born inside my Solar Plexus calls out to yours, and you feel it too? 

img_4646

 

 

New Beginning

abbys

Sometimes just taking a shower can be life affirming.

Sometimes water can wash away the feeling.

Like being born again baptized.

There is a new kind of daring flashing in those fierce and all too knowing eyes.

Something under the surface is showing, her strength belies.

Tied Up

watching_the_world_burn_down_by_1honey1-d34crnu

Lately my limbs have new knots

Because Im tied up in your trees

With branches that tangle and twist

 From ankle to wrist.

And the song birds sleep in the palm of my hands…

Their song like a prayer

You cannot understand them, if you don’t care to listen

There are people you meet who can level you with a simple look,

They make you believe in the fantasy from your favorite childhood book,

He’s been brought to life.

He’s got your soul in his teeth …

When you see him build a bomb shelter because

The Heat Signature between the two of you will cause the world to

Incinerate Underneath

Spirit Guide

freedom

Emboldened by belief in forgiveness and peace

I have assembled all the ages I have ever been into this one woman before you.

I’m a wanderer. I have always lost track of time, and thought. I would give my last dime to a beggar on the street with a smile, wishing him well… no care for things I haven’t got.

No time to stop and think when the waters are restless inside of me. When even a flash of light can send me running through our streets at night.

Some call me crazy. Some call me whore.

Their words can rise from the dirt where I stand, pulling at me, trying to plant my feet in the ground, pull my poetry down without a sound.

I am indignant. I am an artist. My syllables pulled from my core do not speak the language of limits… they take my spirit with them… they endure.

I will outlive most of my critics. Its not just an accusation, its a simple observation.

I live inside of love. Unfurled on the floor you will find my words ringing in your ears-

Like a mirror reflects what is shown, I am a light that shines to the bone.

I am refracted by cruelty, but never reduced.

My poetry cuts in, my words a knife, it carves, and you’re seduced.

I am the butterfly whose wings wrap like words around the feet of my foe- intent not to follow- but to lead where you go.

An unbearable lightness of being will break the heart of the still breathing child- but I am their champion. My words cry out for their freedom.

A garden rich in its soil, will feed them. Their bellies full with the dreams they have eaten. I will but guide them with my soft colored wings..

 

Great Experimentations

Time stalls in our presence… it stops to watch what we’ll do next.

When we were children we ran naked through a backyard sprinkler and the old lady who lived there yelled at us and threatened to call the police. We ran like little snipes from her yard and the delicious stolen droplets of water now pooling between our toes.

The winds stop moving at your command, I watch it happening with wonder as you wave your right hand.

You are ten feet tall and bullet proof, you are the epitome of a summer spent in a radio flyer, and treasures collected at the beach. You are sand between my toes, and sex underneath.

I told you once we were running with scissors, and there was never any safety net… I felt the chill in late september and a pain I haven’t forgotten yet.

Time stalls in our presence in a sleepy sort of way… It doesn’t get things done, there is always another little something it needs to say.

Turn back the clock, meet halfway down the block, bring your Bird on a wire, and that rusted old radio flyer.

Pakistani children cool off by walking t

 

Stolen

I would not cheapen you with words that are small, or so big they don’t fit you at all.

You are the caffeine in my coffee, my wake up and face the world call out.

You are like the solid and unexpected 300.00 cash bonus I’m going to keep all to myself because Old Navy is having a sale, and I’ve been wanting to change my hair.

And you are the answer to the question I couldn’t ask, I wouldn’t dare.

You make me look at myself and remind me to laugh, and to forgive… I think you may be the only one I know who gets it and really knows how to live.

You’re the chord in that song I can’t stop trying to play.

They tell me you will disappear without apology one day… but to them I simply say

He would not cheapen me with carelessness, or act simple, or unsavory at all.

I am the last snicker doodle in the bag, I am a soft safe space where your hurts heal.

I’m the hot bath at the end of a long day, I’m the keeper of the lost word you forgot to say.

I’m the fingers on that right hand, right now… reaching out to feel.

It is every day, and in every way my  heart you steal.

 

 

High Stakes Claims

I watched the snow fall, I watched his tears fall. We didn’t speak, but the cold and crisp cold mourning said it all.

Love doesn’t live here. He could not watch her go.

I heard the crunch of cold under his boot,  I held my breath my heart calling .. “o please, turn one last time, give me one last look”

Waiting for his goodbye is like stopping, and stalling. On the freeway.

I’m waiting for the storms to pass and the carton of milk to expire.

Staking this heart on a pyre.

Reverberations

There are always strings attached to gifts and other things.

A polarity that will pull at your heart and leave a feeling unsettled within…

It is one of those strings I am tugging at now..

There are things I just know like one and one is two

and I am still figuring out where to put you.

We are so much alike I’m betting you have the same trouble. too.

Put me in your pocket, and I can jingle with your keys

Because even now the site of you brings me to my knees.

 

pretty good year

prettygoodyear

Change. 2012 brought nothing but the unrecognizable…

These things I miss…

Creature Comfort

Self assuredness

One of the most amazing people I will ever know.

Good times had

Friends who I somehow outgrew… I still love you.

Innocence.

That which I can live without…

The insincere

The selfish

The foolish

Voices raised in anger

Debts

The near loss of a loved one

Still I know despite all its unsettled dust this is my jumping off point. In a year or so, it will all change again, I  know. So… then  for now I want to thank my loved ones for being part of the weirdest, wildest year of my whole life. Im proud of all of you who played parts in the story we are still trying to understand. And Im proud of others too, for their contributions, their solutions, some elegant, some disgusting, some still so… enticing. 2012 I cannot say I will miss you, but like the song says, an old friend like you cannot be forgot.