All of this is for meant for you

the dawn

 

Patty Cakes, wild flowers in your hair,, ginger colored dancing, fingers always reaching, eyes searching, hearts beating, fresh clean sheets, clear watery eyes, seaching, spots for sobbing, feet that cant stop running…

The sun as it rises and day unplanned filled with little surprises, train rides, high fives, raindrops, gum drops, bus stops, Plane rides, bike rides, bold and confident strides.

Hello, jello listening to that girl play the perfect cello…

Why cant you come to this place? Lover, why cant you come to this place?

Open your mind and fill this empty space.

Post Chakratic Oaths

When I tell people who don’t know you about the first time I met you and the ways our lives for a decade had danced around the inevitability of an US how my supposed former, maybe one time future sister wife is touted as the “good” version of me- the nicer version…

What does that even mean? 

When I tell them I iced my soul to keep it alive for you,

Then set the house on fire to get warm.

I watched the burning the embers and wondered why it didn’t feel like a loss at all. 

When the bank teller tells me she isn’t my friend,

When my friends stop telling me anything,

When I no longer know how to make friends and wonder why I feel weird in a crowd.

When the ice breaks, the bough from which it hung comes loose and I am undone-

Does this mean I died and nobody bothered to tell me? 

At the funeral I so frequently imagine now, I see my parents, but mainly just their disapproval of me. 

I see my once former husband honestly scared to say it, but so glad to be rid of me.

I cannot see my children there, I am sure its because the thought of leaving them like this is more than my heart can bare.

But something, somewhere stops me..

Did I tell them about the laughter that rang out in a hotel room? img_4465

That we had to be pried apart, that we our bodies fused into each other and he took all the orgasms with him. 

Will they understand that for me, loving was never a matter of choice?

I would not have chosen, I could not have dared.

I did not know I couldn’t logic it away – There was no casualty to be spared.

Will I tell them that my base Chakra is alive with your cells, that from that a burning born inside my Solar Plexus calls out to yours, and you feel it too? 

img_4646

 

 

Honor Bound by Body

I unfold in front of you slowly and suddenly and then all at once as if there were a portal in the magical middle of you

I am bound to the place you pin me. Make no sudden moves, I can’t stop the crest fallen swoon of the eager sparrow- hips locked with your rhythmic grooves

Your words drop like silver star stuff from your crescent lips.

Your crest emblazoned in flames on a near perfect chest…

Writhing like a wicked little witch nary wearing a stitch

Distracted, lusting feels so entirely protracted…

How much time has passed? I could burst in equal parts flame and flower. Let me soft petal soften you where you’re heart has hardened- let me in my Knight.

I, the swallowing sparrow am bound to see this through,

Knight in near perfect body armor- it comes down to you. honor boundhonor bound.2.jpg

 

Washed Away

Something happened to my heart

I can’t follow where it strays

Something took hold of me,

My wild beating heart has left me

It Betrays.

Give me back my common sense,

Im so sick and tired of the nonsense.

It twists my form, and leaves me feeling a kind of dirty that cant be cleaned.

I will rise- filled with a pathetic, if even an honorable compromise.

I strip away all that I am. I will shed this skin I am in.

Give me a new pair of boots, I will dig myself out, and take with me, these earthly roots.

A storm swells inside, this is not a new wave to ride. When the eye finally drops, everything that we have been ..simply- stops.

 

washed away

 

 

 

Something In The Way

YOU are a word that hasn’t been invented yet- An idea so grand that nothing the world has seen can compare.

YOU have the warm soft eyes- often times you can catch me mid- stare

YOU have foot soldiers guarding your gate- and wall built up- pray tell, tear them down before it’s too late.

 

The Shorthand (after a long time)

For those who don’t know. And for Fernando, who doesn’t believe. 

I remember the exact moment I felt the quickening of my reluctant heart. We were talking, sharing desert and I watched you close your eyes and part those soft full lips in tandem. You accepted the offering and closed those broody beautiful eyes like saying a prayer. 

And I knew you were a kindred. 

You challenge me in untold ways.  You showed me muscles I didn’t know I had. 

Yours is one of a kind, keep you warm when the winds blow kind of love. 

A private island meant for misfits kind of thing that fits like a glove. 

And I get to share it with you. 

You’re unyielding nature can make for high tides, it’s true- 

But it’s all wrapped in the magic myriad that is you. 

myman

Tied Up

watching_the_world_burn_down_by_1honey1-d34crnu

Lately my limbs have new knots

Because Im tied up in your trees

With branches that tangle and twist

 From ankle to wrist.

And the song birds sleep in the palm of my hands…

Their song like a prayer

You cannot understand them, if you don’t care to listen

There are people you meet who can level you with a simple look,

They make you believe in the fantasy from your favorite childhood book,

He’s been brought to life.

He’s got your soul in his teeth …

When you see him build a bomb shelter because

The Heat Signature between the two of you will cause the world to

Incinerate Underneath

Spirit Guide

freedom

Emboldened by belief in forgiveness and peace

I have assembled all the ages I have ever been into this one woman before you.

I’m a wanderer. I have always lost track of time, and thought. I would give my last dime to a beggar on the street with a smile, wishing him well… no care for things I haven’t got.

No time to stop and think when the waters are restless inside of me. When even a flash of light can send me running through our streets at night.

Some call me crazy. Some call me whore.

Their words can rise from the dirt where I stand, pulling at me, trying to plant my feet in the ground, pull my poetry down without a sound.

I am indignant. I am an artist. My syllables pulled from my core do not speak the language of limits… they take my spirit with them… they endure.

I will outlive most of my critics. Its not just an accusation, its a simple observation.

I live inside of love. Unfurled on the floor you will find my words ringing in your ears-

Like a mirror reflects what is shown, I am a light that shines to the bone.

I am refracted by cruelty, but never reduced.

My poetry cuts in, my words a knife, it carves, and you’re seduced.

I am the butterfly whose wings wrap like words around the feet of my foe- intent not to follow- but to lead where you go.

An unbearable lightness of being will break the heart of the still breathing child- but I am their champion. My words cry out for their freedom.

A garden rich in its soil, will feed them. Their bellies full with the dreams they have eaten. I will but guide them with my soft colored wings..

 

Shame

A thousand lies fell from my lips before I was old enough to vote.

I lied about you to my friends, I lied to my friends about you. I lied about my age. I treated the world like my stage.. and I pretended that nobody noticed the cracks in my sidewalk.

It was to cover the thing I was so shamed by- the things, the many of them that I did not like to look at.

Growing up and forever being fat.

That my mother really doesn’t like me. That my mother really didn’t want me. That her words offered little comfort, that the sound of her raised voice makes grown men contort.

That she was so very hard.

I was so soft bellied, soft hearted, big hearted. Exposed nerves and senses of justice. No experience in your real world.

Just a few bewildering experiences with little boys, and I mean stupid boys, and boys who wore their pants too big around their hips, boys who stared at my tits and licked their fish lips.