Something happened to my heart
I can’t follow where it strays
Something took hold of me,
My wild beating heart has left me
Give me back my common sense,
Im so sick and tired of the nonsense.
It twists my form, and leaves me feeling a kind of dirty that cant be cleaned.
I will rise- filled with a pathetic, if even an honorable compromise.
I strip away all that I am. I will shed this skin I am in.
Give me a new pair of boots, I will dig myself out, and take with me, these earthly roots.
A storm swells inside, this is not a new wave to ride. When the eye finally drops, everything that we have been ..simply- stops.
YOU are a word that hasn’t been invented yet- An idea so grand that nothing the world has seen can compare.
YOU have the warm soft eyes- often times you can catch me mid- stare
YOU have foot soldiers guarding your gate- and wall built up- pray tell, tear them down before it’s too late.
A thousand lies fell from my lips before I was old enough to vote.
I lied about you to my friends, I lied to my friends about you. I lied about my age. I treated the world like my stage.. and I pretended that nobody noticed the cracks in my sidewalk.
It was to cover the thing I was so shamed by- the things, the many of them that I did not like to look at.
Growing up and forever being fat.
That my mother really doesn’t like me. That my mother really didn’t want me. That her words offered little comfort, that the sound of her raised voice makes grown men contort.
That she was so very hard.
I was so soft bellied, soft hearted, big hearted. Exposed nerves and senses of justice. No experience in your real world.
Just a few bewildering experiences with little boys, and I mean stupid boys, and boys who wore their pants too big around their hips, boys who stared at my tits and licked their fish lips.
“When the God’s wish to punish you, they answer your prayers” she said as she stood looking into the northern sky. There is a lot to say, but for now I need to be silent, I need to answer tough questions. Am I a left or a right? When does a girl give up the Ghosts, and give up the fight?